It’s been long since I saw your cool face. You used to show up more often and more predictable than you have been doing in the past few years. Now the Sun has taken over the township to the dismay of everybody. We miss the days when you used to beat him to the game. We used to live with the constant assurance that no matter how hot his anger was on any particular day you would be there to rescue us from his torture. In fact, the hotter his anger, the sooner you showed up. Oh, how we miss the days when you used to “make it rain on us”. Now the Sun has the nerves to strut about, claiming he is the undisputed “hottest thing” on God’s “green” earth. He has amassed a number of AKAs including Mr. It’s getting hot in here, Mr. Imma make it hot and Mr. Imma make you take of your clothes (what rapper Pappy Kojo calls Yi Wo Dross). The last AKA has been a subject of worry because the Sun has been bluffing that he is “so hot” that he has a mesmerizing and hypnotizing effect on our women. They would take off their clothes for him without him uttering a word. Well, I called that a bluff but that’s a misnomer because our woman actually do take off their clothes. When we, the worried husbands and boyfriends, question these women; they always give us the same answers: “but we did not take off everything” and “but don’t you men also take off your cloths for him?” Now, you would agree this is an unfair answer from the ladies because they, more than any other women on the planet, should know that as Africans, women are supposed to endure pain and other unbearable circumstances that their men find hard to tolerate. I am confident that if you decide to show up, the Sun would be no match. I remember as a child; when the Sun was fed up with your constant triumphs, would try to resist your take-over. He would refuse to leave when you showed up, creating a Rainy-Sunny situation. How we used to cherish such competitions. We would come out and sing: ensuo reto, awia rebo, literally meaning it’s raining and the Sun is shining. And you know how happy we were when you finally drive him away. On such occasions we would bathe in the rain till it stops. In fact, your strength and resilience over the Sun was unparalleled even when he decided to cheat. Those where the moments when it decided to employ a trick which has come to be known as Solar Eclipse. I remember one of those days; all you had to do is to send one of your friends, the cloud, to save the situation.
My grandfather once told me that so powerful were you that you could keep the Sun at bay for, sometimes, weeks. I thought it was impossible until I heard about you in the English town of Eglwyswrw, where, from last year to early this year, I am told you stamped your authority for 81 continuous days. What was more cool about you is how you could even keep him away without even showing your face. On such occasions you simply sent your companions such as the cloud, the haze, the mist, and the fog to get the battle won. Historians say that so angry was the Sun that he faulted you for cheating. The Sun’s case was that he was not just competing with you but with your companions as well. He filed a complaint at the International Court of Arbitration to restrain you from using your friends in the competition. Your response was iconic. The Sun was only accusing you of an offence he is equally, if not more, guilty of. You challenged him to come into the competition without his friends UV light, Infra-Red, Gamma Rays, and all the other rays he secretly smuggles into the competition. I understand that was the first time people got to know of such names. The judges did not only throw the case out; they also fined the Sun for deceiving the public and the court. Your absence has been a source of worry to many especially when your occasional presence has been characterized with some excesses lately. The last time you tried to put the Sun in his rightful place, on June 3 last year, the story turned out to be something else. Some scientists have suggested that the violence that has come to characterize your take-over would stop if only you would show up more frequently like you used to do in the past. In such a manner farmers would not have to lose their farms, and there wouldn’t be any orphans, widows and homeless people after you visit. Some have tried to explain your infrequent violent visits. They say you are busy in court again, to battle the Sun for fielding an unqualified player – Global Warming. We pray you do win this case so that Global Warming would be disqualified. But in case you don’t, please do not stay away only to visit with occasional violence. In fact I have a strategy for you and I better whisper this because you know, walls too have ears: you could also field another player. Call him Global Cooling. I can assure you we would do anything you ask to be able to field this player. Planting of more trees, reduction of industrial emissions (you must have heard China has pledged her commitment towards this) and air pollution; you name it. And I tell you, you have the support of every single person on this planet, because guess what: everybody misses you badly.
by Broadcast Journalist Kwaku Botwe